Last week at the Religion News
Association conference I was one of 4 panelists discussing “Women and
Religion: When Faith and Feminism Collide”
I was moved by every story I heard – touched by the
way we each love tradition and yet are committed to having a voice and living
our authentic truths.
The following question was posed “What is it about
men that makes them so afraid to allow women in leadership?”
I did not answer the question there but it is one
that I have wrestled with for some time.
If we are asking for women to have power, then we need to allow men to
be vulnerable. If we are asking for women to have leadership roles then we need
to empower men to take the back seat. If we want society to change, we must we
willing to become uncomfortable ourselves.
We need to be willing to stop telling boys to “man
up” and stop using expression like ”You throw like a girl” in a disparaging
manner. Women deserve a voice, to speak their truth to be validated as equal
partners, to assert themselves without fear of being labeled difficult. And
just as much, men deserve to express the gamut of their emotions, to be treated
with compassion, held in gentleness and able to express their vulnerability
without being labeled a sissy.
I have coached men who have lost their jobs, some
through downsizing others because what they were doing no longer fed them. I have
heard the fear in their voices as they speak about providing for their families.
What is most irritating for them is that they have no skills to handle the fear
and sometimes debilitating anxiety that comes from not knowing what happens
next. The one emotion they have been allowed to express as men in society is anger.
Yet they are far too kind hearted and evolved to simply let that govern their
lives. They feel frustration towards their friends and sometimes spouses who
will tell them, “Don’t worry, it will all be alright.”
What most of them wanted was a space to be scared,
an allowance to cry and be worried. They know that they can, and they will get
up and go out and do what must be done, but where in our society do we allow
them to worry, to be afraid and more
importantly to cry.
If a man we love, be it father, brother, son or
lover comes to us and expresses how scared he is and begins to cry – Would we allow
him that space? Would we hold him in our arms? Or does seeing a grown man cry,
make us feel so uncomfortable and afraid that we rob him of his humanity?
Not all men are afraid of women in leadership. I
have met amazing men in my journey who have touched their own vulnerability –
who are compassionate and loving – who are not afraid, who value and appreciate
the strength and vulnerability of women as they value the vulnerability and strength
within themselves.
It is in our vulnerability that our power is found-
for all of us, men, women and gender non
conformists. We thrive when we allow ourselves to fully feel all our feelings
the ones that society tells us are appropriate to express and the ones that
society encourages and forces us to conceal.
As the trees shed their leaves and we enter the High
Holidays, and step into the New Year, I bless us all to have the courage to
feel, and the compassion to let everyone around us feel all of the emotions that
come up for them.
I leave us with the prayer from Judy Chicago:
And then all that has divided us will merge.
And then compassion will be wedded to power.
And then softness will come to a world that is harsh and
unkind. And then both men and women will be gentle.
And then both women and men will be strong.
And then no person will be subject to another’s will.
And then all will be rich and free and varied.
And then the greed of some will give way to the needs of
many. And then all will equally share in the Earth’s abundance.
And then we will all care for the sick and the weak and the
old. And then all will nourish the young.
And then all will cherish life’s creatures.
And then all will live in harmony with each other and the
Earth. And then everywhere will be called Eden once again!
Amen!
UPCOMING EVENTS:
Join the Keshet New York Leaders Society for a concert with Jill Sobule on Sunday, October 9 at 6:30pm. Keshet's Jill Sobule house concert is free for Keshet New York Leaders Society members! There is a $36 suggested minimum donation for non-members. RSVP for the address.
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Chani Leading Friday Night Service - October 21st 2016
6:30pm
Fair Law Jewish Center
10-10 Norma Ave, Fair Lawn, NJ 07410
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Sunday 2/12/17
9:30am - 5:00pm
Creating Coming of Age Ceremonies
Click to register:
As a child enters adolescence, profound changes take place not only in their physicality, but also their minds and emotions. For generations, cultures all over the world have celebrated this profound shift from “child” to “adult” with rituals and ceremonies – Bar/Bat mitzvah, Confirmation, Rumspringa, Sweet 16, Quinceañera, etc. These rites of passage allow us to move from who we were to whom we are called to become.
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Chani Leading Friday Night Service - October 21st 2016
6:30pm
Fair Law Jewish Center
10-10 Norma Ave, Fair Lawn, NJ 07410
--------
Sunday 2/12/17
9:30am - 5:00pm
Creating Coming of Age Ceremonies
Click to register:
As a child enters adolescence, profound changes take place not only in their physicality, but also their minds and emotions. For generations, cultures all over the world have celebrated this profound shift from “child” to “adult” with rituals and ceremonies – Bar/Bat mitzvah, Confirmation, Rumspringa, Sweet 16, Quinceañera, etc. These rites of passage allow us to move from who we were to whom we are called to become.
These days, it seems that mainstream American culture is lacking in these rituals, though their significance is just as important as ever. In this class, we will explore how to create meaningful rituals, and courses of study for the initiate, that will speak to new generations and their parents. You will learn how to integrate traditions, cultural customs, and spirituality into unique ceremonies that work for the entire family.
Click to Register:
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2/17/16 - Presidents Weekend
Forgiveness - What's in it for you???
An LGBTQIA Nehirim's Women's Retreat
Click to Register:
Click to Register:
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Coaching / Counseling
Life Cycle Events:
Weddings / Baby Naming / Bar-Bat Mitzvah / Funeral / etc.
Discover Yourself, Embrace Your Truth, Celebrate Your Milestones!!!
Click to Register:
------
2/17/16 - Presidents Weekend
Forgiveness - What's in it for you???
An LGBTQIA Nehirim's Women's Retreat
Click to Register:
Click to Register:
-----
Coaching / Counseling
Life Cycle Events:
Weddings / Baby Naming / Bar-Bat Mitzvah / Funeral / etc.
Discover Yourself, Embrace Your Truth, Celebrate Your Milestones!!!
