2017 - Processing "One of Us"

Processing "One of Us" 

In the days before One of Us premiered, I was fluctuating between apprehension and anticipation. In the days since, I find myself marking the time since the world has had the opportunity to hear and see these stories.

I have been hearing from many of you. Some of you are asking what you can do with your feelings of being triggered by your own experiences so closely related to the ones showcased on the screen.

Some of you are asking how you can help or what you can do.  Even in that question, there is usually a follow up of what do I do with my feelings.

And many are shocked that this is going on in our backyards and we didn’t even know…

First, be kind and gentle with yourself.

This might mean taking a bubble bath

Taking a walk

Going for a run

Writing in your Journal

Meeting a friend for coffee

Share your feelings

Hug each other

And be nice to you.

Most of all, be gentle with yourself and allow your emotions the space they need.

You alone know what you need, please give yourself that gift.

For those of you who want to know how to help; Please Donate to Footsteps.

Footsteps helps many Ettys, Aris and Luzers in all genders and in all stages of their transition.

For those of you who are shocked or appalled by what you have witnessed by watching the film- The sad truth is that there are marginalized communities in all of our backyards! I am so grateful that this film was made so that it can shine a light and expose this particular truth.

How appropriate that this week’s Torah Portion is Parshat Lech Lecha, Genesis 12:1.

Usually translated, “Go forth from your land, from the place that you were born, from your father’s house, to a land that I will show you.”

In Hebrew it can mean Lech - “Go!” Le-cha -  “Toward Yourself.”

In other words, go towards YOUR truth, YOUR purpose, and YOUR life.  Even if it means that you are leaving behind your comfort zone, your previous community, your family.

I bless us all to remember that the texts that we grew up, whose meaning was fed to us (and sometimes even forced down our throats) can be redefined by us even as we chart a new course for ourselves.

As we leave our comfort zone, I will share with you the words of a Karen Drucker song:  “I will be gentle with myself, and I will only go as fast as the slowest part of me feels safe to go.”

Please after the release of this documentary – be gentle with yourself and with each other.

I have appointments available, feel free to reach out and schedule some time to talk.

Hope you enjoy the beautiful fall weather.

Shabbat Shalom

Chani

201-477-0274

chani@chanigetter.com

2017 - One of Us

"One of Us" 

A new documentary about people leaving insular Hasidic communities.

As someone who is passionate about choice, I was recruited by Footsteps 4 years ago to establish their Rockland Location and Family Justice programs. As someone who was raised and ultimately left my insular Hasidic Community, I was a perfect fit for this role.

In the documentary One of Us, I am featured in my role as counselor. I provide support and guidance to Etty - one of the characters in the film.

Footsteps is an organization now in it’s 14th year, which began with Malky Schwartz, a young woman who left her community and was taken in by a secular grandparent. Recognizing her own vulnerability and how fortunate she was to have someone take her in, she started Footsteps to create spaces for other people like her, to find the support they need.

I myself left the community before Footsteps existed, and I am acutely aware of how different my journey could have been, had Footsteps been around at that time. Therefore I am passionate about and committed to this work alongside my private practice as a Coach, Counselor and Officiant.

I am proud of the work that I do, and I am proud to be a part of this important documentary. The people at Loki Films were extraordinarily mindful of privacy and confidentiality throughout their three years working on this film. Feel free to reach out to me as always, with any thoughts, concerns, feelings or comments.

Once available, I will share a link to some Q&A and discussion topics for people who would like to host a screening in their home, and/or understand more about the work.

The documentary will be shown at a limited number of screenings  and will premier on Netflix after October 20th.

Link to Trailer 

Link to IFC screenings

Link to JCC screening

Link to Footsteps

Link to ONE OF US page

Link to my Website page about this

2017 - "Realistic Goal Setting" - A Rosh Hashanah Reflection & Workshop

For the past three months I have been suffering from post concussion syndrome. I look normal. I appear to be in good health and yet the fatigue, headaches, and other symptoms intrude into my daily life and make it impossible for me to live life as I usually do. Mundane tasks, like sweeping, have become challenging due to what one of my doctors calls  “brain fog”.  I have needed to adjust my entire life.

At work, I have started taking naps in the middle of the day. This means scheduling a break in my busy schedule – stopping the clock and going to sleep.  No matter how much I want to continue or how much I want to do just one more thing. I know that if I am to be present to my afternoon clients, fully able to hold space for them, I need to stop – close my eyes – and let my brain rest.

At home, I am doing far less too. Originally, I thought that all I needed was silence, so that I could rest. As I figured out what my mind could still do with relative ease, and what was a struggle. I sat down with my family and explained that I needed them to all step up. Knowing that they too have incredible busy lives, and understanding that for the house to function I need them to do more. A wonderful thing happened – they ALL happily committed to doing more so that I could do less.

I am learning important lessons from all of this. I am beginning to understand that I need to set realistic goals for myself, meaning under scheduling instead of over scheduling. I need to simply be, to be more of a human being and less of a human doing machine. I am realizing that when I allow myself to be vulnerable and ask for help, people step up. I am letting myself do less. By far the hardest lesson I am grappling with is to be gentle with myself, to identify my shortcomings and to lovingly navigate this journey.  I thought I knew how to do this, but I am learning a deeper path in gentleness and love to my physical and emotional self.

As Rosh Hashanah approaches, I reflect on the past year, and begin thinking of my goals for the New Year. I recognize that what I need is more gentleness. Instead of making lists of what I need to DO this upcoming year, I am thinking of how I want to BE this year. I bless us all to keep learning this lesson of gentleness and vulnerability, without needing a blow to the head to do so.

Shana Tova U’metuka(Hebrew)

A Git Gebentchta In Gezinta Yar (Yiddish)

Happy, Healthy and Sweet New Year                                                   

Chani

Please join me as we explore together setting Realistic Goals for this upcoming year. 

Click to register:

Tuesday September 26^th 2017

7:30pm – 9:00pm

COJAR @ The Jewish Federation of Northern New Jersey 

50 Eisenhower Drive

Paramus NJ 07652

I am sharing with you OWL - an online magazine where an article I wrote about the shofar and Rosh Hashanah is featured.

Feel free to subscribe to OWL - it is a free subscription.

Shana Tova U'metuka (Hebrew)

A git gebetchta in gezinta yur. (Yiddish)

Happy, Healthy and Sweet New Year

Chani

2017 Eclipse & Link to Article

It has been a while since I last communicated.

I was standing near the East River with hundreds of New Yorkers wearing special glasses staring into the Eclipse. I marveled more on how we were all standing there together, laughing, experiencing joy than on the actual incredible scientific phenomenon we were all witnessing.

My partner shared a blessing she heard recently “ May God Bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half truths, and superficial relationships, so that you may live deep within your heart.” 

Standing there together in superficial relationship, talking to strangers and connecting to all, I lived deep in my heart.

I am sharing with you OWL – an online magazine where an article I wrote is featured.

Feel Free to subscribe to OWL – it is a free subscription. 

Look for another message before the High Holidays.

Blessings

Chani

2017 - You Won't Drown - A Passover Reflection

Tonight we will be celebrating the ending of Pesach, also known as Shvi Shel Pesach. On this night, we commemorate the splitting of the Sea of Reeds.

Exodus 7:15 And GOD said to Moses: “Why are the Israelites crying? Tell them they shoud go forward.” 

The Midrash tells us that the Israelites refused to go forward, that they were too scared to head into the water. Until Nachshon Ben Aminadav walked into the raging sea. He kept walking in as if it were dry land already. He walked and when the waters hit his nostrils and he could no longer breath, the miracle happened, and the sea parted.

Each and every one of us has times when we stand facing the sea. The water stands before us, our complicated past behind us, and the dessert and it’s wilderness on either side.

We have no idea how we can possible go through this particular hurdle. Whether it is a health crisis, financial challenge, raising children, being in partnership, being single, losing someone we love, starting something new, ending something comfortable…

We can’t see the shore, so we don’t believe that we will ever get there. We believe that we have nowhere to turn. Out of frustration, vulnerability, exhaustion and fear we often lose our faith.

I bless us all with the strength of Nachshon, to walk into our lives as if the sea is already split, to plod along even when the water reaches our necks, and to be gifted with the ability to stand on the other side and sing shira - that special song the Israelites sang when they all made it to dry land.

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UPCOMING EVENT:

A New Workshop:

Bullying: Healing the Silent Aftermath

Two Different Days:

Saturday 4/22/17 - OR - Sunday 4/30/17

9:30am - 5:00pm Breakfast, Lunch and Snack provided

140 Prospect Ave, suite #2, Hackensack NJ

Limited Space Left - Register TODAY!

2017 - Bullying - A Purim Reflection

A colleague and friend of mine, a recognized expert in the field of healing the after effects of bullying in adults, is coming to the States in April and will be joining me in leading two – one day workshops.  See below for more details…

In preparation for Purim, I started thinking. How does bullying play into the story of Purim – (The book of Esther)?

In the first Chapter, King Ahasuerus bullies his then wife, Vashti, to come to him while he is drunk. He wants to prove to all his friends, that she is the most beautiful woman in the world. He wants recognition. He wants validation. He wants to prove his dominance. This was not about her, nor his love for his wife, this was about showing off that he could get whatever he wants (a princess), whenever he wanted. The fact that she was in another room, entertaining her own guests, and probably busy, never occurred to him. He wanted something and so he demanded it.

When she refuses, he becomes angry and doesn’t know what to do with his emotions.  Since twitter hadn’t been invented yet, he reaches out to his friends and asks them what to do. They advise him to get rid of her, and he puts her out like the trash.

Later, Haman offers to fill his pockets with another one of his vices, MONEY. He refuses it, knowing that once the people are gone, their money will be his anyway.  All he had to do was bully an entire people and kill them, or rather incite others to bully and kill them.

I see two major issues with this story – One is that King Ahasuerus surrounds himself with advisors who are bullies. His need for power and recognition runs so deep that he agrees to banish his own wife, rather than feel the hurt or humiliation of what it takes to be in a real relationship.  Second, is his overwhelming desire for money. He was already a vastly wealthy man, who conquered many territories, but had an unquenchable desire for more.

Vashti is never heard from again, but the Jewish people get the opportunity to turn the tables on their oppressors. Not all victims of bullying get that chance. Nor am I suggesting that revenge is the way out of pain and suffering.  Rather, I pray that we not disappear like Vashti, but come together and heal our wounds as a people, as a nation, as a world.

Chag Somayach

Happy Purim

Chani

Announcing a new Workshop:

Bullying: Healing the Silent Aftermath 

Two different days:

Saturday 4/22/17 - - - OR - - - Sunday 4/30/17

 9:30am - 5:00 pm - Breakfast / Lunch and Snack provided

140 Prospect Ave - Suite #2 - Hackensack NJ

Space is limited:

To Register

https://www.eventbrite.com/e/bullying-healing-the-silent-aftermath-tickets-31765625842