It has been 9 months since I was hit in the head
through no fault of my own. I have been suffering from Post Concussion
Syndrome. My symptoms creep up often and I have no control over when they come,
how long or how often they occur. What this situation has birthed is a new me, someone
who like our ancestors has picked up and moved into a new unknown land.
In this land of wilderness I am learning a lot… about myself, my
family, who my support is, letting go, being gentle with myself, acknowledging
my limitations, and most of all, asking for help.
I am still learning about the messiness of living with an injury
that no one can see, about the understanding that healing is a lot about
finding the right help on this journey where I often take 3 steps forward and 2
steps back.
Last week, I had the privilege of participating in a Women’s Seder and
witnessing a beautiful exchange:
Rabbi Rachel Steiner asked why we eat Matzo on Passover. Many came
up with some insightful answers.
Afterwards, Rabbi Steiner responded something like this. Matzo allows us
to let go. It is the simplest form. It
doesn’t rise, it doesn’t puff up, It reminds us what is truly important: to let
go of expectation.
I sat back and began to think about this past year… the way I am
letting go of the Chometz (leavened bread) in my life. Over and over I am
saying “No” to things to which I would have said “Yes.” in the past. I am
donating to charity items that I have held onto out of guilt or obligation.
I now guard my energy as the sacred commodity that it is. I am
noticing what is important to me. I’m discriminating about what is worthy of my
time, attention and space in my mind and in my home. I observe what I can let
go of for now, and what and who I need to let go of permanently. I have been living a life where spiritual “Matzo”
is my daily sustenance.
There is a tradition to shake one’s pockets out before Passover,
getting rid of all the crumbs that have accumulated in one’s garment over the
course of the year. Crumbs, tiny pieces of leavened bread, of puffiness, of making
things bigger or more extravagant then they need to be, that have infiltrated
into the pockets of our pants, skirts, suits, dresses, jackets and coats.
What would you like to simplify in your life? How can you incorporate
that? What are your crumbs, the tiny pieces that get stuck in places they don’t
enrich your life? How can you allow yourself to be more vulnerable with others?
How can you be a kinder, gentler, and more loving version to the amazing
individual that you are?
Blessings
A Kashering Fraylichen Pessach (Yiddish)
Chag Kosher V’Samayach (Hebrew)
Happy Passover
and to our friends celebrating Easter, Happy Easter.
Chani
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