2016- A Holiday Blessing

On this Holy day, a day when most of us are celebrating bringing light into the world in one form or another, and a few days after the Solstice, may the light that keeps getting brighter in the world, shine on you and all those you love.

Many Blessings
Chani

2016 - What Are We So Afraid of??? A Rosh Hashanah Reflection

Last week at the Religion News Association conference I was one of 4 panelists discussing “Women and Religion: When Faith and Feminism Collide”

I was moved by every story I heard – touched by the way we each love tradition and yet are committed to having a voice and living our authentic truths.  

The following question was posed “What is it about men that makes them so afraid to allow women in leadership?”

I did not answer the question there but it is one that I have wrestled with for some time.  If we are asking for women to have power, then we need to allow men to be vulnerable. If we are asking for women to have leadership roles then we need to empower men to take the back seat. If we want society to change, we must we willing to become uncomfortable ourselves.

We need to be willing to stop telling boys to “man up” and stop using expression like ”You throw like a girl” in a disparaging manner. Women deserve a voice, to speak their truth to be validated as equal partners, to assert themselves without fear of being labeled difficult. And just as much, men deserve to express the gamut of their emotions, to be treated with compassion, held in gentleness and able to express their vulnerability without being labeled a sissy.

I have coached men who have lost their jobs, some through downsizing others because what they were doing no longer fed them. I have heard the fear in their voices as they speak about providing for their families. What is most irritating for them is that they have no skills to handle the fear and sometimes debilitating anxiety that comes from not knowing what happens next. The one emotion they have been allowed to express as men in society is anger. Yet they are far too kind hearted and evolved to simply let that govern their lives. They feel frustration towards their friends and sometimes spouses who will tell them, “Don’t worry, it will all be alright.”

What most of them wanted was a space to be scared, an allowance to cry and be worried. They know that they can, and they will get up and go out and do what must be done, but where in our society do we allow them to worry,  to be afraid and more importantly to cry.

If a man we love, be it father, brother, son or lover comes to us and expresses how scared he is and begins to cry – Would we allow him that space? Would we hold him in our arms? Or does seeing a grown man cry, make us feel so uncomfortable and afraid that we rob him of his humanity?

Not all men are afraid of women in leadership. I have met amazing men in my journey who have touched their own vulnerability – who are compassionate and loving – who are not afraid, who value and appreciate the strength and vulnerability of women as they value the vulnerability and strength within themselves.

It is in our vulnerability that our power is found- for all of us,  men, women and gender non conformists. We thrive when we allow ourselves to fully feel all our feelings the ones that society tells us are appropriate to express and the ones that society encourages and forces us to conceal.

As the trees shed their leaves and we enter the High Holidays, and step into the New Year, I bless us all to have the courage to feel, and the compassion to let everyone around us feel all of the emotions that come up for them. 

I leave us with the prayer from Judy Chicago:

And then all that has divided us will merge.

And then compassion will be wedded to power. 


And then softness will come to a world that is harsh and unkind. And then both men and women will be gentle.

And then both women and men will be strong.

And then no person will be subject to another’s will. 


And then all will be rich and free and varied.

And then the greed of some will give way to the needs of many. And then all will equally share in the Earth’s abundance. 


And then we will all care for the sick and the weak and the old. And then all will nourish the young. 


And then all will cherish life’s creatures. 


And then all will live in harmony with each other and the Earth. And then everywhere will be called Eden once again!

Amen!

UPCOMING EVENTS:

10/09/16 - Keshet's concert with Jill Sobule

10/21/16 - Chani leads Friday Night Service - Chol Hamoed Sukkot

2/12/17 - Creating Coming of Age Ceremonies 

2/17/16 - Forgiveness: What's in it for me?

An LGBTQIA Shabbaton

FLYER & LINKS FOR UPCOMING EVENTS:

Join the Keshet New York Leaders Society for a concert with Jill Sobule on Sunday, October 9 at 6:30pm. Keshet's Jill Sobule house concert is free for Keshet New York Leaders ​Society members! There is a $36 suggested minimum donation for non-members. RSVP for the address.


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Chani Leading Friday Night Service - October 21st 2016
6:30pm
Fair Law Jewish Center
10-10 Norma Ave, Fair Lawn, NJ 07410

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Sunday 2/12/17
9:30am - 5:00pm
Creating Coming of Age Ceremonies
Click to register:
As a child enters adolescence, profound changes take place not only in their physicality, but also their minds and emotions. For generations, cultures all over the world have celebrated this profound shift from “child” to “adult” with rituals and ceremonies – Bar/Bat mitzvah, Confirmation, Rumspringa, Sweet 16, Quinceañera, etc. These rites of passage allow us to move from who we were to whom we are called to become.

These days, it seems that mainstream American culture is lacking in these rituals, though their significance is just as important as ever. In this class, we will explore how to create meaningful rituals, and courses of study for the initiate, that will speak to new generations and their parents. You will learn how to integrate traditions, cultural customs, and spirituality into unique ceremonies that work for the entire family.
Click to Register:

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2/17/16 - Presidents Weekend
Forgiveness - What's in it for you???
An LGBTQIA Nehirim's Women's Retreat
Click to Register:


Click to Register:
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Coaching / Counseling

Life Cycle Events:
Weddings / Baby Naming / Bar-Bat Mitzvah / Funeral / etc.

Discover Yourself, Embrace Your Truth, Celebrate Your Milestones!!!

2016 - The Big FOUR O

I’m turning 40 in less then a month.

I know! I know! It’s not so overwhelming for some of you –

40 that’s a baby many of you have told me.

But for me… it’s a big thing  - HUGE actually.

Eight months after my 40th birthday all of my children will be 18 and will have graduated from high school. Since I became a single mom at the age of 23 my turning 40 was this looming milestone. The age at which some of my goals would have been achieved and some of my desires would start being fulfilled.

I told myself “When I turn 40…

I will have all my debt paid off.

I will own my home.

I will have time to date and maybe find a partner.

I will hike the Appalachian Mountains for 3 months.

I will have published my book.

This was my list, and it kept growing.. When I turn 40… When I turn 40.,,,

I thought my life would start in a real big way when I turn 40.

Here is what I did not know:

That some of these things on my list, I would no longer wish to do.

That some of the things that I thought would be done, would not have been achieved.

That some of the things on this list that I thought I would start doing at 40 would already be achieved.

That so many things that I have accomplished in my life were not even on the list to begin with, and I am the most proud of them.

In the past 16 years, I have made peace with my parents and my siblings. I have raised incredible young adults who are wise beyond their years and working towards becoming productive members of society. I have forged friendships, communities and relationships that feed me in incredible ways. In a lot of ways, I have grown up.

So what do I do with these lists? What do I do with the list of things I have yet to achieve -that makes me feel like a failure? What do I do with the list of things that I have done that far exceeds my expectations - that make me feel like a winner?

What do I do with the thousands of moments that make up the person I have become - that don’t belong on either list?

When I coach clients in setting long terms goals, we speak about a lifespan of 90 to 100 years. When I counsel people we discuss looking at where our life is right now, and grounding ourselves in all of the beauty, pain, joy, and heartache of the moment. When I create rituals with families we incorporate all of who they are.  So how do I do that for myself?

A friend recently said to me that life happens in the blink of an eye, we turn 20, 30/40/50/60/70 before we even notice. I think that life happens in 1 minute intervals, either it is 60 seconds that seem to slowly pass or it is feels like a moment – and a year has passed. When I am conscious and present in the moment, then I get to enjoy each and every second of it. When I am not concentrating then it is a moment, 10 years feels like the blink of an eye.

As I step into my 40^th year old self I choose to remember that life is lived ONE minute at a time, and that I simply need to breathe into it 60 seconds at a time.  I decide to breathe in the good and the bad, the failure and the successes, the joy and the pain, all of it is the fullness we call life.

I have elected to consciously be a human being and to remind myself that I am not a human doing and that there is more to me then what I can write up and cross off on a to-do list. Life is infinitely more complicated and richer than I could ever have foreseen. I have created my life and continue to develop with every decision I make, every choice I choose, every action I take.

Turning 30, 40, or 50, or 90, or any age is a self-imposed ritual not grounded in any reality other than the ones we made up about time and space.

What in your life do you want to achieve?

What in your life have you done that you never imagined you would?

How do you celebrate all of who you are?

Feel free to comment and post below:

UPCOMING EVENTS:

WHEN:Tonight and these Fridays:

TEHOM - Deepening Our Prayer Experience

7/22/16 - 9/09/16 - 10/21/16

6:30pm

Fair Lawn Jewish Center

10-10 Norma Avenue

Fair Lawn, NJ 07410

2016 - An Invitation To Connect

Listen to the moan of a dog for its master.

That whining is the connection.        

---  Jelaluddin Rumi

Like most of you, my life is hectic.  And yet, I find myself pushing off the one thing that I know would help put it all in perspective – my spiritual practice.

For some of us, this is praying, for others it is meditation, or yoga, or running, or mindfulness or going to synagogue, or church, or mosque, or temple, regardless of what our spiritual practice is or where it takes place it is something that we do that allows us to connect.

My teacher Rev. Diane Burke often says that spiritual practice does not guarantee moments of GRACE, or moments of connection. Rather we are gifted with those and they come sporadically. The more we do our spiritual practice the more we allow these precious moments to gift us with their presence.

I know this to be true. For me stopping and connecting changes everything– whether I find grace in that moment or not. My life becomes a bit more spacious, and my mind stops racing. But much like a friend who is “looking” for a job but doesn’t send out resumes or apply for jobs yet complains that he is or she is unhappy in his or her present job – I sometimes avoid the very thing that will facilitate the results I want.

A story is told of Rabbi Zusha of Anipoli.  Every day he would sit in his study and when he was hungry he would call out, “God, Zusha is hungry.”  Then his servant would come with a tray of food and Rabbi Zusha would eat and thank God for the meal.

The servant grew tired. He asked himself, “Why does the Rabbi always say – “God, Zusha is hungry?  Doesn’t he realize that I am the person that prepares it and brings it to him?  

So Moshe took the day off. He showed up on the following morning and found the remnants of a banquet on the Rabbi’s dining room table.

He was shocked and asked around town. Who was at the Rabbi’s house? Who brought him all this food? He learned a wealthy merchant had come to town. He had been trying to get an audience with the Rabbi, but after knocking on the door numerous times, the only sound he heard was the rabbi’s chanting and studying the holy texts.

 “The Rabbi must eat sometime”, the merchant thought, and so he went out and brought all kinds of foods.  He stood outside the Rabbi’s window, and when he heard the Rabbi say, “God, Zusha is hungry.” The merchant opened the door wheeling in all the food he had bought. During the meal the merchant and the Rabbi spoke, and the merchant took this time to ask for a blessing that he and his wife be blessed with children.

After hearing this Moshe returned to the Rabbi and told him how he had left the Rabbi to fend for himself and how the merchant showed up just in time.

“Ah…” the Rabbi said. “Of course the food comes from God. It would be incredible if I just thought that I was hungry and the food would appear, but we all have to do hishtadlut (exert effort) in order to be fed, for some of us it is to go out to work, for others it is to plow the fields or to cook, for me, Zusha of Anipoli, I need to call out –"God, Zusha is hungry" and the food appears.”

So too it is with the spiritual practice that feeds my soul. I want to be like Rabbi Zusha who merely calls out and is answered by God almost immediately every time. In reality, I am more like the merchant who has to put in little effort and exercise a little patience to get the connection I want.

I invite you to join me, to connect deeper this Friday night. I invite you to unplug, to chant, to pray, to stop and do something that allows you to connect.

TEHOM el Tehom Koray (from the deep I call to you- Psalms). Let us make time to create the space for the connection that we yearn for.

This Friday - June 24, 2016

6:30pm

The Fair Lawn Jewish Center

10-10 Norma Ave

Fair Lawn, NJ 07410