2016 - The Big FOUR O

I’m turning 40 in less then a month.

I know! I know! It’s not so overwhelming for some of you –

40 that’s a baby many of you have told me.

But for me… it’s a big thing  - HUGE actually.

Eight months after my 40th birthday all of my children will be 18 and will have graduated from high school. Since I became a single mom at the age of 23 my turning 40 was this looming milestone. The age at which some of my goals would have been achieved and some of my desires would start being fulfilled.

I told myself “When I turn 40…

I will have all my debt paid off.

I will own my home.

I will have time to date and maybe find a partner.

I will hike the Appalachian Mountains for 3 months.

I will have published my book.

This was my list, and it kept growing.. When I turn 40… When I turn 40.,,,

I thought my life would start in a real big way when I turn 40.

Here is what I did not know:

That some of these things on my list, I would no longer wish to do.

That some of the things that I thought would be done, would not have been achieved.

That some of the things on this list that I thought I would start doing at 40 would already be achieved.

That so many things that I have accomplished in my life were not even on the list to begin with, and I am the most proud of them.

In the past 16 years, I have made peace with my parents and my siblings. I have raised incredible young adults who are wise beyond their years and working towards becoming productive members of society. I have forged friendships, communities and relationships that feed me in incredible ways. In a lot of ways, I have grown up.

So what do I do with these lists? What do I do with the list of things I have yet to achieve -that makes me feel like a failure? What do I do with the list of things that I have done that far exceeds my expectations - that make me feel like a winner?

What do I do with the thousands of moments that make up the person I have become - that don’t belong on either list?

When I coach clients in setting long terms goals, we speak about a lifespan of 90 to 100 years. When I counsel people we discuss looking at where our life is right now, and grounding ourselves in all of the beauty, pain, joy, and heartache of the moment. When I create rituals with families we incorporate all of who they are.  So how do I do that for myself?

A friend recently said to me that life happens in the blink of an eye, we turn 20, 30/40/50/60/70 before we even notice. I think that life happens in 1 minute intervals, either it is 60 seconds that seem to slowly pass or it is feels like a moment – and a year has passed. When I am conscious and present in the moment, then I get to enjoy each and every second of it. When I am not concentrating then it is a moment, 10 years feels like the blink of an eye.

As I step into my 40^th year old self I choose to remember that life is lived ONE minute at a time, and that I simply need to breathe into it 60 seconds at a time.  I decide to breathe in the good and the bad, the failure and the successes, the joy and the pain, all of it is the fullness we call life.

I have elected to consciously be a human being and to remind myself that I am not a human doing and that there is more to me then what I can write up and cross off on a to-do list. Life is infinitely more complicated and richer than I could ever have foreseen. I have created my life and continue to develop with every decision I make, every choice I choose, every action I take.

Turning 30, 40, or 50, or 90, or any age is a self-imposed ritual not grounded in any reality other than the ones we made up about time and space.

What in your life do you want to achieve?

What in your life have you done that you never imagined you would?

How do you celebrate all of who you are?

Feel free to comment and post below:

UPCOMING EVENTS:

WHEN:Tonight and these Fridays:

TEHOM - Deepening Our Prayer Experience

7/22/16 - 9/09/16 - 10/21/16

6:30pm

Fair Lawn Jewish Center

10-10 Norma Avenue

Fair Lawn, NJ 07410