I’m
turning 40 in less then a month.
I
know! I know! It’s not so overwhelming for some of you –
40
that’s a baby many of you have told me.
But
for me… it’s a big thing - HUGE actually.
Eight months after my 40th birthday all of my children will be 18 and will have
graduated from high school. Since I became a single mom at the age of 23 my
turning 40 was this looming milestone. The age at which some of my goals would
have been achieved and some of my desires would start being fulfilled.
I
told myself “When I turn 40…
I
will have all my debt paid off.
I
will own my home.
I
will have time to date and maybe find a partner.
I
will hike the Appalachian Mountains for 3 months.
I
will have published my book.
This
was my list, and it kept growing.. When I turn 40… When I turn 40.,,,
I
thought my life would start in a real big way when I turn 40.
Here
is what I did not know:
That
some of these things on my list, I would no longer wish to do.
That
some of the things that I thought would be done, would not have been achieved.
That
some of the things on this list that I thought I would start doing at 40 would
already be achieved.
That
so many things that I have accomplished in my life were not even on the list to
begin with, and I am the most proud of them.
In
the past 16 years, I have made peace with my parents and my siblings. I have
raised incredible young adults who are wise beyond their years and working
towards becoming productive members of society. I have forged friendships,
communities and relationships that feed me in incredible ways. In a lot of ways,
I have grown up.
So
what do I do with these lists? What do I do with the list of things I have yet
to achieve -that makes me feel like a failure? What do I do with the list of
things that I have done that far exceeds my expectations - that make me feel
like a winner?
What
do I do with the thousands of moments that make up the person I have become -
that don’t belong on either list?
When
I coach clients in setting long terms goals, we speak about a lifespan of 90 to
100 years. When I counsel people we discuss looking at where our life is right
now, and grounding ourselves in all of the beauty, pain, joy, and heartache of
the moment. When I create rituals with families we incorporate all of who they
are. So how do I do that for myself?
A
friend recently said to me that life happens in the blink of an eye, we turn 20,
30/40/50/60/70 before we even notice. I think that life happens in 1 minute
intervals, either it is 60 seconds that seem to slowly pass or it is feels like
a moment – and a year has passed. When I am conscious and present in the
moment, then I get to enjoy each and every second of it. When I am not
concentrating then it is a moment, 10 years feels like the blink of an eye.
As I
step into my 40th year old self I choose to
remember that life is lived ONE minute at a time, and that I simply need
to breathe into it 60 seconds at a time. I decide to breathe in the good
and the bad, the failure and the successes, the joy and the pain, all of it is
the fullness we call life.
I have
elected to consciously be a human being and to remind myself that I am not a
human doing and that there is more to me then what I can write up and cross off
on a to-do list. Life is infinitely more complicated and richer than I could
ever have foreseen. I have created my life and continue to develop with every
decision I make, every choice I choose, every action I take.
Turning
30, 40, or 50, or 90, or any age is a self-imposed ritual not grounded in any
reality other than the ones we made up about time and space.
What
in your life do you want to achieve?
What
in your life have you done that you never imagined you would?
How
do you celebrate all of who you are?
Feel
free to comment and post below:
UPCOMING EVENTS:
WHEN:Tonight and these Fridays:
TEHOM - Deepening Our Prayer Experience
7/22/16 - 9/09/16 - 10/21/16
6:30pm
Fair Lawn Jewish Center
10-10 Norma Avenue
Fair Lawn, NJ 07410
